KirstenL4W

Listen - to make a conscious effort to hear; attend closely, so as to hear

Hear - to perceive or sense sounds by the ear

There’s a big difference between listening and hearing. According to this website, “We use our ears to hear and our brains to listen”. I think that’s the best way to describe it.

It’s frustrating when I’m trying to talk to someone and they’re not really listening. They hear that I’m talking, because the sound of my voice is a dead giveaway, but they’re not listening. They don’t take in anything that I say. We all know people like this - people who are paying attention to everything and everyone else around them, people who are so busy talking that they can’t listen to anyone else, and people who only listen long enough to come up with the next topic they want to talk about. They can’t wait to jump in and start talking again, and two-way conversations end up being me listening to a monologue. I end up feeling more drained and frustrated after trying to talk to these people than I did before, and it leaves me wondering why I even bother.

How do you tell someone who can’t listen to do just that?

Ok, it’s been awhile since I last posted. But don’t blame me - I took a long weekend away and I don’t check email or anything else online when I’m away. Well, blame me if you want, but that’s the way it is.

Anyway, when I got back from my long weekend I checked the comments on my blog and found that I had new comments on my post Cuts Like a Knife. My mom left a comment to bolster my ego, and my mom’s Cousin Betty left me an amazing comment (that’s becoming a habit with her). Betty suggested I try writing a book.

I’ll be honest, the idea is not new to me. Besides a few bloggers I know of who have written or are trying to write books, I too have thought of this. It’s something that’s been at the back of my mind since I was a kid. English literature and writing classes have been among my favorites in school, and they are the classes I always got the best grades in. I still have a lot of the stuff I wrote back then, and even posted one of my papers here on my blog. I have it in my blog post idea list to post more of my writing from school.

Writing a book is a great idea, and while I’d love to do that, I’m not ready - not yet. I think I still have some adventures to come that will help put me in a better position to have a complete book. I’d be looking towards a memoir or collection of anecdotes from my life, or using stories from my life and propelling them into a fictional chick lit book, which is a genre I tend to like. In the meantime, I’ll continue writing here. This blog is a beginning, a place to practice writing and hone my skills and test out what sort of stories would appeal more than others. Based on what I like to read, I am drawn towards stories in which I can identify with a character or situation in some way. I like complex, well-developed characters because I like to be able to figure out what makes them tick. Even if what I write isn’t popular, I like to know that it resonates with readers. As a writer, these are all skills that take time and lots of practice to perfect.

While I continue living my life and writing my story in my head, do you have any suggestions? Any blogs or books to read that will help me along my way?

Last night, I watched a movie called The Holiday on TV. It was about two women, one in LA and one outside of London, who decide to escape their heartbreak at Christmas by taking a vacation. They find each other via a website that facilitates home swaps and set out for their relaxing holidays. Of course, the movie is predictable in that both characters find what they wanted when their hearts got broken, and it’s a sweet chick flick (with gorgeous sets, I might add), but what hit me was the message I got from the movie.

I realized that both characters were open to new experiences because they stepped out of their comfort zones. Sometimes, to find success, we have to shed what’s familiar and get away from the everyday routines that have us operating on auto-pilot. By doing that, you are forced to really take a good look at everything going on and everything you experience. Don’t be afraid to shake things up a bit. Take a class, find a volunteer opportunity, even take a different route home one day, and you will see things that you’ve never seen before.

As my readers know, I moved away from the place I grew up in Massachusetts to come to Las Vegas in 2003. I wasn’t specifically looking for fame or fortune, like a lot of people moving here seem to want. I just wanted something different. Boy did I ever find that here! I also found some great friends and of course the most wonderful man in all the world, Mister. It’s a bit of real-life proof that stepping outside of your comfort zone can lead to success and happiness.

I was just catching up on the blogs in my reader, and I was reading one on how to organize your closet.  It got me thinking, because I disagreed with one part of it.  The part that said to organize everything by color.  Can you please explain to me how that is supposed to work for everyone?  That has never worked for me.  Do you want to know how my closet is organized?  Do you?

I do agree with the experts that suggest keeping slacks separate from shirts and keeping other like items together.  That certainly makes things easier to find.  But when I get dressed, I don’t think that I want to wear a certain color.  I’d never be able to put together an outfit if I had to think like that because I am so freaking indecisive about things like that.  No, the first thing I think about is what the weather is.  Therefore, my shirts are organized first and foremost by sleeve length.  Yep, you heard me right.  I get up, see that it’s only going to be in the 50s, and think, gee, I might get cold today.  Better go for a long sleeved shirt.  Isn’t that how most people start putting together their outfit?  I would think that thought process is especially popular in places like New England where you never know what the weather will be like from one minute to the next.

So after sleeve length, I organize my shirts by style.  I’m one of those people who finds something she likes and buys it in every color, so this makes it easy to find them all.  My t-shirts are together, my button down shirts, and my frilly shirts (yeah, right.  I don’t do frilly!)  That way I can put together an outfit by mood - do I want to have a fancy outfit, or casual?  See, this method of organizing is much more logical than organizing by color.

I can understand why the “experts” tell you to do this - so you won’t clash.  There’s a way to combat this as well.  It’s super easy.  Turn the light on when you pick out your clothes.  If your closet doesn’t have a light, get one.  There’s lots of stick up lights that don’t need to be wired.

I’ve never been one to do things the way everyone things they should be done.  I never wanted to be like everyone else (even though I might look it in my uniform of jeans and a t-shirt).  I like to go against the grain sometimes - not to prove that I can or anything like that, but because it just makes more sense to me.

I’ve been trying to simplify things a bit.  We all live hectic lifestyles, myself included.  Lately, though, due to some personal stuff, life has been getting the best of me.

The first thing that always gets to me is cooking.  It’s not that I don’t like to cook.  I just don’t like the chore of cooking a proper meal every single night, after I’ve been at work all day.  I dislike that so much that it affects my grocery shopping.  Partly because I’ve been so overwhelmed, and partly because of the habits I developed while I was single, I got to where I was stopping at the store nearly every night after work to pick up something for dinner.

Mister pointed out to me that my methods weren’t working.  We weren’t eating healthy (because half the time the “store” ended up being fast food of some sort) and despite my desire to not have any food waste, I wasn’t reducing waste or saving money.  But it took me a while to see that I had to change my thinking on things.  According to Mister (bear with me, I’m still learning this), I do not have to have a perfect meal plan for the week when I go grocery shopping.  Nope, it’s ok not to have that.  That’s what got in the way of me shopping properly.  My desire for perfectionism in planning our meals kept me from doing anything at all.  So this week I tried something different.  I went to the store and just threw a whole bunch of stuff in the cart that looked good.  I had a bit of a list to work with, since Mister wanted to show me that pot roast can be good, but other than that I just bought whatever I felt like.  While the total was a shocker, Mister helped me see that I didn’t spend any more than I usually do over the course of a week.  And I still have enough food and a few ideas to feed us through the weekend.  I’m not sure that the stuff I bought is exactly healthy, but not a heck of a lot of it is processed, and cooking at home is a step in the right direction.

The other change I made this week was to reduce my lunch time at work.  I have the choice between a 30 or 60 minute lunch, which is automatically deducted after I’ve been clocked in for 6 hours.  This has 3 benefits: 1. I get to leave work 30 minutes earlier, so more me time.  2. I don’t have to use up personal time since I’ve been having to leave work early a lot lately for personal reasons, and if I do decide to make up a bit of time I don’t end up being there way past my melting point.  3. With only a 1/2 hour for lunch, I don’t have time to go out so I am forcing myself to think ahead and pack a lunch out of leftovers, saving me money and making me eat better.

I’m only day 3 into these changes, but so far I think it’s going well.  The past two days at work have been pretty busy and stressful, but I’m not freaking out over it as much as I usually do.  The true test will come in a couple of weeks when I usually turn into a raging hormonal bitch.

Elsewhere on the interwebs, go ahead and enjoy this amusing complaint letter that has been making the rounds.

There are times when I really don’t have a lot to say.  When I just don’t feel like talking or socializing.  It happens, oh, about once a month.  I don’t really replace the talk with more thinking, like it would seem to some.  I’m not any more introspective during these times than I am at any other times.  I just don’t feel like talking.  Of course, during this time I get all sorts of comments.  It’s assumed that I don’t feel too well.  I must be sad.  I must be feeling lonely.  I must have a lot on my mind.  All those assumptions are wrong.  I just want to be quiet, to take in the world around me, and not feel forced to flap my gums for the amusement of those around me.

For some people it’s really hard to be quiet.  Someone I am related to, who shall remain nameless, is very well known for not being able to zip it for even a minute.  After a meeting of friends and family last year, I heard that a friend of mine was asking if this relative was on speed, due to the fact that said relative did not seem to come up for air at all.  I don’t know about this relative, but for everyone else, hearing one person talk that much is tiring.  I’m not only referring to the way we joke about our ears ringing because of the constant gabber.  One barely has time to collect their thoughts enough to even follow what the relative is saying before the conversation is miles away and our ears and minds are left in the dust.  There’s having the gift of gab, but listening - not just to other people, but the world around you - is an art.  I think that we should all take some time to listen once in awhile.  You never know, it just might enrich your life in ways you never expected.

I’m really not that into video games - I told you about how Mister wants to get me playing his silly little game with him and how I don’t want to because I’m convinced I won’t be that good at it.  Now the silly little game has an add-on - Bejeweled.  I was kinda ok with playing Tetris, because it’s the only video game that I know of where I appreciate the kind of skill involved in playing, so Mister told me to go online and check out Bejeweled.  Usually I get to around level 6 or 7 before I get stuck with no moves, but I did manage to make it to level 14 and over 90,000 points once.  I’ve been playing it quite a bit lately, and it didn’t take long before the idea for this post popped into my head.  Here are 7 life lessons you can learn from playing Bejeweled:

1. Keep your eyes on the top.  In the game, if you focus your attention on the top of the board, you’ll usually have moves left at the bottom.  If you focus too much on the bottom, you’ll completely rearrange the top of the board.  Keep your eyes on the top - aim high, and you’ll have more success in life.
2. Don’t get distracted by shiny stuff.  In the game, when you get 4 in a row you get a “power cube.”  It’s tempting to make every move possible to use it for another 3 (or more) in a row for extra points, but don’t be hasty about it.  If you are distracted with a single goal in mind, you’ll lose sight of the big picture.
3. Keep a level head.  In the game, I’ve found that when I have the choice between a vertical or horizontal row, I’ll move for the horizontal row.  Keep a level head and you’ll have a lot more opportunities come your way.
4. Don’t make hasty decisions.  In the game, I’ve found that I can get carried away at times and make a lot of hasty decisions.  This almost always backfires on me - as the jewels are falling into place, I see a better move that I could have take.  Take the time to think about things and examine your options before you make a decision.
5. A little strategy goes a long way.  In the game, you need too try and see what will happen with each possible move, so that you can set yourself up for more moves.  A good life strategy has an eye on the outcome.
6. The more advanced you become, the longer it takes to reach your goals.  In the game, the higher your level, the longer it takes to reach the next level.  This is one of those ironic things about life - it’s easy to move on and move up earlier in life, but the more experience you get, the bigger the challenge.  That’s not to say you shouldn’t try, though.  I mean, who wants to stay at level 1 forever?
7. Don’t over think things.  In the game, I’ve found that if I think too hard, I can’t see the possibilities that exist.  Sometimes you just have to have fun!

I am having a major dilemma.  I have no idea what to do with my hair for the wedding.  I’m not completely sold on the idea of having a veil - I kinda like the way it felt when I had the samples on in the store, but I definitely did not like the idea of paying for it.  Bridal shop veils are expensive, people!  I need to peruse the craft shops to see what their DIY offerings are, but otherwise I have no idea what to do with my hair.

My hair has some natural wave/curl to it, but mostly has a mind of its own - very often I get the stick straight piece where i least want it.  It gets very heavy, so I keep it in a shorter cut, just past the shoulders, and layers in it to keep it from getting plastered down under its own weight.  My everyday style is to throw some mousse in it to keep it from getting frizzy, then walk out the door.  I don’t own a hair dryer, curling iron, straightening iron, or gallons of fancy products.  Since my hair very much has a mind of its own, I find that the more time I spend on my hair, the worse it looks.  For my own sanity, I let my hair have its way.  There are days (most days) when my hair just bothers me too much, so I’ll pull the top and sides back in a clip, or it goes up in a loose, messy half-pulled-through ponytail, with all the frizzy bits and cowlicks throwing themselves out there for all the world to see.  If I decide to put my hair up in the morning, I do it while it’s still wet, and plaster the rest of it down with some mousse or gel.  The “light and fluffy” on top look does not happen with me, unless I want my hair falling out.

Now for my dress.  I’m already a bit worried that it doesn’t go too well, but whatever.   I’m wearing an actual corset (black!), so there will be lots of lacing in the back, and a pouffy skirt with lots of gathering to make it look even fuller. So, I think that whatever I do, it needs to be simple.  I do NOT want a tiara, and I’m kinda turned off by the idea of anything with rhinestones/crystals/bling.  I’ve cruised the IndieBride boards to no avail.  I don’t want anything hanging in front of my face - that’s the reason why my hair is always going up, so it can stay out of my face.  But I don’t know what to do for this occasion.  My hairdresser is on vacation and I will need to be doing my own hair, with every bit of hairdressing talent that I do not possess.  So, any thoughts?

Ok, I figure I’ve done a long enough dramatic pause after the first part of this post.  Now you get to find out the current state of my education.

I did find a great job last summer, and was there on a contract basis for about 6 months before I was finally hired on permanently.  It’s the kind of job I was heading for when I left the executive search firm back in October 2006, with the idea that I wanted a job with more room for growth.  I loved working in a small company, but there usually isn’t any room to advance in small companies.  I am now at a large company (technically a medium sized company since we have less than 5000 employees), but there are lots of opportunities.  My office looks like something out of Office Space, but nowhere near as dreadful.  I’m an admin in the finance department, and while the work is easy, I’m looking forward to the opportunities.

When I started looking for more opportunities, I had the idea in mind that I wanted to study accounting.  This is a subject that, while I did well in the class in college, I didn’t have a clue about it and therefore was not fond.  It’s hard to become excited about something that is all theoretical when it should be practical.  But in the working world I developed a fondness for it.  The principles of it don’t change, numbers keep the same rules wherever you go, and it’s something that you can take anywhere, from the biggest cities to the smallest towns.  Being in the finance department is like a dream come true in this regard.

Another wicked awesome thing is that my company has educational reimbursement.  I spoke to my boss about this the other day and told her of my intentions to become edumacated on their dime.  Since I already have my foot in the door there, I have the perfect setup to work my way up and learn lots of different areas of concentration while I go to school.  My boss likes my thinking as much as I do, so the plan is to sign up for a class as soon as the summer schedule comes out.  I have all my core classes done, with the exception of math, so I only need 12 classes for an associates degree.  After that I’ll transfer to a 4-year and continue on so I can earn a Bachelor’s degree.  After that, who knows.

Besides the abstract idea that I should go back to school, and finally deciding what I want to be when I grow up, I have been craving the academic life a bit lately.  On our Thursday night outings, Boyfriend and Big Bad Mama Detroit, who is a high school English teacher, often get into discussions that can take a literary turn.  I find myself missing English classes, since those are subjects that I always enjoyed and did well in.  While not something I want to do career-wise, literature and writing are almost exhilarating.  I consider myself to be somewhat well-read, but the fact that I can’t participate in their discussions as well as I’d like makes me feel like a bit of a dummy.  I feel that my writing suffers at times as well.  So many other blogs I read are so well-written, and I struggle with being able to express myself at times.  It’s like I don’t even know the words to be able to say what I want to say.  While I’m not specifically interested in increasing my vocabulary, I feel that my writing skills in general have become rusty.  I do want to earn my degree in Accounting, but after that I think it would be fun to take some lit and writing classes.

Another interest I have, that I would like to pursue on more of a leisure basis, is graphic and web design.  Ever since working for a graphic design firm, I have been somewhat interested in designing for print.  Having my blog has increased my technical interest, and I’d also love to be able to design my own themes and fully understand what I’m doing when I try to make my blog look the way I want.  But since I know exactly why it is that I want to learn these things, I don’t feel at this time that it would be prudent to invest that kind of money in a hobby.  Maybe someday I’ll do it on a personal interest level, but again, accounting is where it’s at for me.

It’s time to stop floundering around with my jobs.  I think that admin and retail jobs are largely professions that people fall into these days, rather than deliberately choosing them.  It’s time for me to get out of this place I’ve fallen into and take charge of my career.  It’s time to go back to school.

I have been toying with the vague idea to go back to school for quite some time. Years, actually. But it’s hard to come up with some plans without any clue as to what direction one wants to travel in.

Here’s a bit of history: When I was in high school, I was never very academically inclined. I did well in my classes, but overall wasn’t interested. I felt a calling more towards interior design. Rooms were my canvas, and I preferred to shop for sheets rather than shirts. As I was planning the rest of my life, I looked at schools that had design programs. I really wanted to go to a school in Atlanta that I had seen in my mom’s decorating magazines, partly mostly because they had an exchange program in London. But neither one of my parents was wild about the idea. My mother thought I should focus on something more practical like French, since I was doing well in that class, and my father just had that look on his face. That look wasn’t enthusiastic. I was disappointed, since going AWAY to school was a big part of the appeal. But I digress. I looked at schools a bit closer to me and ended up at the esteemed University of Lesser Knowledge Hesser College.

Hesser was in the next town and had an interior design program. Still infatuated with the away at college idea, I took a room in the dorms and immersed myself into college life. Oh, you’re wondering about the comment above? Well, my I found the college prep program in my high school to be more challenging than the course of study at Hesser. But other extra-curricular activities, which found me studying mixology more than interior design, saw me on academic probation and changing my major. I went with the path of least resistance and chose a major that featured classes I actually did well in despite my inebriated state. I focused on small business management the next semester, redeeming myself and my academic standing, but also letting a childhood fear of math get the best of me.

During an English final at the end of the second semester, I was answering an question with a total ass-kissing essay and ended up believing what I wrote. It sure sounded good at the time, and would certainly make a lot of people proud of me. I changed my major again, this time to liberal studies, with the intention of transferring into a 4-year program with a double major of English and education. I graduated Hesser with an Associate of Arts in Liberal Studies, and prepared for more studies at New Hampshire College (known today as Southern New Hampshire University).

Something weird happened when I was at NHC. I threw myself into my studies, but something was off. Something major in a cosmic sort of way. I started feeling like I was on the outside looking in, like I was in the wrong place. Bigger than that, actually - like I was in the wrong life. This life was so not the one I was meant to be living. The feeling became so overwhelming that I withdrew from classes to figure out exactly where I was supposed to be. I took a string of retail jobs, spent some time in Europe, got into office work, and lived a marginally fulfilling life.

In 2003, when I moved to Vegas, I had a bit of money to play with, so I decided to take a course at the local community college as a way to get out there and meet people. While perusing the non-credit courses, I figured why not? Why not take up a course of study? I did come here for a change, after all. But there was this pesky residency thing. Being the cheap shit that I am, I didn’t want to pay an exorbitant fee just because I hadn’t lived here long enough, so I only took 2 classes and took a part time job (Shoe Job). But finish up the core requirements that wouldn’t transfer in, and taking only 2 classes at a time, I lost steam. I needed to work full time, so school fell by the wayside.

That brings you all up to speed of the life of Kirsten, b.b. (Before Blog). As my longtime readers know, I have worked in a variety of administrative jobs, which while not exaclty fulfilling, kept me fairly happy. Until recently. Last year, as I was looking for yet another new job, I was searching for something, but I didn’t know what. I did know that I didn’t want to file and answer phones for the rest of my life. I needed direction.

And right now, I need sleep.  Stay tuned for part 2.