KirstenL4W

Every now and then, I transform from the sweet, lovable person that I am into a total bitch. This seems to happen about, oh, once a month, and lasts nearly two weeks at a time. Yes, it’s what you’re thinking. I was complaining about my period and the hormonal roller coaster more than two years ago. Since then, it’s not gotten any better. It’s gotten worse, actually. So much so that it threatens to ruin the one thing I value most - my marriage. I don’t have run of the mill PMS. I have PMDD, which is an extreme form of PMS.

I was on the pill for awhile, thinking that it would help. There’s one pill that claims to help this sort of thing, so I took it for about a year. It seemed to help at first, but then again, I did start taking it a few weeks before my wedding. I think it was more the whole newly wedded bliss than the pill helping. Plus, I’m over 35 now, and have a family history of breast cancer, so I don’t want to subject myself to any more health issues than I have to. Out with the Pill.

I tried taking vitamins - a cocktail including a daily multi, magnesium, and calcium. I hate taking so many freaking pills. I wish I could just order up ONE pill that has everything I want in it, and nothing I don’t want, but I haven’t found it yet. Besides, have you seen how BIG vitamins are? I’m talking horse pills here. Between the size and sheer quantity of pills involved in a vitamin regimen, suck at taking them, even if they take the edge off a bit.

You might remember that a few years ago I was taking Paxil for a bunch of crap and thought I needed something. I didn’t want that particular pill, but the doctor gave it to me anyway. I gained 40lbs before I was finally able to get myself off it, and stopped gaining weight when I stopped taking it for good. My doctor said the weight gain was unrelated. I have a new doctor now.

Since Mister and I got into another fight the other night in which one of our dishes lost its life, we talked about it again. Mister is not a huge fan of mental health medications, and after my experience with Paxil, neither am I, but we both agreed that I need to do something. I don’t like the split personality. I did some research, talked to some online friends, and decided on Zoloft. I would have preferred Lexapro, since it looks like it would fit a lot better, but my insurance company doesn’t prefer it, so the final decision came down to what my wallet said.

Mister came to the doctor with me - they really like him there, and I get better care when he’s with me. It really helps having an advocate if you have a hard time talking to doctors. My back had been hurting for about a week, which was the main purpose of the visit, so I got something for that, but we also talked about my PMDD. The doctor took me seriously, validated my concerns about Paxil and hormones, and wrote me a script for the Zoloft. I started taking it yesterday, but won’t know its full effect for a few months. Sometimes I’ll have a good month or two after a particularly bad month.

Part of me feels like a failure for having to take a pill to manage my natural cycle. The other part of me feels hopeful that this will really help. I’m sick of being two totally different people depending on where in my cycle I’m at. I may be a Gemini, but I don’t want to be Jekyll and Hyde.

I told you how I signed up for the Corporate Challenge, right? Well, yesterday was the bike race. A 12-mile course was marked out at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway, on the track and all over some parking areas as well.

As the race approached, I knew I wasn’t ready. A co-worker and I have been riding at the Equestrian Park on Saturdays, but that’s only a 2 mile course, and we’ve only been there 3 times. (That’s 6 miles, for those keeping count.) I also went on a bike ride around my neighborhood last week, which was probably 3 miles or so. Since I started “training” for this race (and by training I mean dusting off my bike, pumping up the tires, and getting my overweight, out of shape ass on it), I probably have about 10 miles under my belt. Yeah! I’m ready for a 12 mile race!

Or not.

I was hoping I’d get sick or something over the weekend. I purposely didn’t take any allergy meds so I could help this along. I thought of other ways to legitimately get out of having to ride, because I didn’t want to just flake out. However, my allergies would not cooperate. I even discussed it with my co-worker, who was also riding, and she said to just go slow and have fun. So slow it was.

I started out near the back of the pack, because it took me that long to get checked in and get my bike tagged. Since I was so far back (I think there were about 200 riders), I was pretty beat by the time I reached the start line. Then we went around a curve and hit a nice head wind. Oh, that was fun. Seems like no matter which way the course turned, there was a head wind. I don’t know how the race planner figured that one out, but it was brilliant in an evil sort of way. Then we went up a hill. I had to walk my bike, and by this point I was last. The pilot car bringing up the rear was right behind me. That’s a bit unnerving, riding your bike and having an unmarked van follow you like that.

Anyway, I kept going. I got to the top of the hill, got back on my bike, and just kept pedaling. I pedaled under the grandstand, around a bend, down a hill, across the parking lot, around the bullring, and pretty much wherever I saw cones that marked the course. I was kind of wishing that there were mile markers, because I had no freaking idea how far I’d come or how much further there was left. Somewhere along the way I lost all feeling in my crotch. All I can say is thank goodness I have a cruiser with a nice big seat, because I don’t think I would have made it that far otherwise.

When I got back on to the racetrack, the course attendants were cheering me on. One of them rode alongside me, encouraging me and telling me I could do it. They pointed out the finish line. Woohoo! The end was in sight! I pedaled my little heart out, sucking air like a dying fish, and made it across the line. I wasn’t last - I think there were a couple people after me, but I know that for a long time I was last and I don’t remember passing anyone along the way, so maybe they got lost. But I finished. I finished a 12 mile race, a longer distance that I’ve ridden collectively in my entire adult life.

I was still out of breath when I got home, and I don’t know what my time was, but I figure it was just over an hour. No matter, I was glad that I finished before dark, and I did. I finished the race.

And I’ve been besieged by allergies. I woke up this morning thinking at first that I just needed to wake up some more, but no, that was not the case. My leaky, itchy nose and eyes were unrelenting, and it made doing anything that requires keeping my eyes open difficult today. Thank goodness I keep my own box of tissues at my desk. I did not, however, have any allergy meds on me. I didn’t think to take any before work, since I figured that I just needed to wake up more, but once I got to work I realized that I did need something. Like I said, I didn’t have any, but I did manage to score some of that new formula Sudafed - the kind you don’t need to show your ID for. That barely took the edge off, and by the time it started kicking in, it was wearing off again. So at lunch I drove over to the pharmacy to buy some proper drugs. That helped more, but my face is still leaky and itchy.

It has been very windy in Vegas lately. We’ll have a few days of wind, a strong blustery day, then get a reprieve for a day before it starts all over again. Then I checked the pollen counts, and of course my old nemesis, mulberry is all over the place this year. Of course. I read that newspaper article when it was first published a few weeks ago and thought I was lucky to get through the season without any symptoms except a bit of slight sinus pressure. Apparently I thought too soon.

So here I sit, sniffling away, trying not to rub my eyes into oblivion, and hoping that I fell better soon, because I’m a total wuss when it comes to not feeling well.

Remember this post in which I complain about my weight? And this post and this one in which I declare my intention to do something about it? Yeah, all that bitching didn’t do anything for me. But now, I’m really tired of it. Mister’s surgery last winter has been successful so far - he’s down over 80lbs. Me? I think I gained a couple pounds.

I don’t know what happened to me in the weeks after his surgery, or what kind of insensitive bitch I unwittingly become, but I ate a lot more than usual in those first few weeks. I remember making meatloaf and piling my plate high with meatloaf and mashed potatoes - and ate it all, far more than I would ordinarily eat in a sitting. I wasn’t any hungrier than usual, either. I just ate, and ate some more. And I felt awful about it, but with a normal sized stomach, I required food.

I don’t think it helps at all that I’m an emotional eater. I get pretty bad PMS, so after pissing my husband off and getting into stupid arguments with him because I’m in the bitch phase of my cycle, I run to the sweets - ice cream and chocolate cupcakes being my favorites, but chocolate in nearly any form will do, so long as it’s not trying to be healthy (so a small serving of dark chocolate covered almonds is out). When I’ve had a tough day, I want a big plate of macaroni and cheese or some similar comfort food. Little to no effort cooking said comfort food is a bonus.

Cold weather doesn’t help much either. Granted, we don’t get cold here in Las Vegas like those in other parts of the country, but the cool weather lasted longer than usual this year, I think - at least it seemed that way to me. We all know what kinds of food we crave when it gets cold out. As soon as the temperature drops, it’s screw the salad and gimmee that heavy, calorie-laden dish. About the only reason I’m looking forward to summer (no one looks forward to 110 temps) is that I crave salads when it’s that hot out. Since I tend to like my salads with very few accoutrements and not a lot of dressing, it’s a pretty healthy meal. It’s just starting to get warm enough for me to want lighter foods.

So now we move on to exercise. I’ll admit it - I’m a couch potato. I spend my spare time either in front of the tv or sitting at my computer, like now. But again, my workplace steps in and provides me a bit of a motivational tool. See, there’s this thing called Corporate Challenge that my company is participating in. Along with a coworker, I signed up for the Biggest Winner (a Biggest Loser style weight loss challenge), a 11-12 mile bicycle race, and the Mayor’s walk. We also both signed up at Curves - her first time, my third. So where am I at with all this? Well, the Biggest Winner only allows 5 participants from each company, and I’m not one of them. BUT the company is also holding a company-wide challenge, so all of us who were interested could participate. I’m working on that one. The bicycle race is going to kick my ass. Mister and I met my coworker at the Equestrian Park, which has a great path for biking or walking. It’s a slight uphill to the far end of it, and I had to stop more than a few times so I could demonstrate to everyone exactly how out of shape I am. I know I won’t be in any shape to come in anywhere close to first in the bike race, but I would like to finish. It’s at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway, so it shouldn’t be as difficult a terrain as, say, the Tour de France. I just want to finish. I guess that means I should ride more - we’re riding at the park again this weekend.

I’m making an effort to eat healthier. Actually, right now I’m aiming for not eating so much junk. Phase down the junk, and reach for a 100-calorie pack of cupcakes if I really feel like I need them. And try not to eat out so much. That goal is easier since Mister’s surgery. When we cook at home, we eat fairly healthy. I just need to resist the junk and get my butt moving. With some motivation in the form of my coworkers, Corporate Challenge, and my loving husband, I might even be able to do it this time.

I mentioned in a post that Mister recently had surgery. I didn’t mention any more than that, mostly because I wasn’t sure that Mister would be ok with me telling you all of the gory details. But we talked about it, and he doesn’t mind, so here goes.

Due to various factors - herniated discs in his back being a huge one - Mister’s weight over the last year or so has gone up. And up, and up, and up. It got to the point that getting out of the car and walking around it to pump gas was too much physical activity for him. When we flew to New England for our vacation last fall, we knew there was no way that Mister would be able to walk all the way from the car to security to the gate, so we asked for wheelchair assistance. Being first in line at security and first on the airplane was a nice trade-off, though. Anyway, I point this out because Mister was fat. Way fat. Having herniated discs put him in a Catch-22 situation. He couldn’t do any significant exercise because of them, so he packed on the pounds and the weight made his back feel worse. It sucked all around.

We knew some people who had weight loss surgery and had seen some success with it. A couple different friends here in town had the Lap-band done, and one of my imaginary internet friends had the RNY. Adam talked about his experience getting the Lap-Band. Those are basically the only two options available at the local weight loss surgeon’s office, as we found out when we went for an informational seminar. They did mention another procedure, the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, and it sounded like it would be the best choice for Mister, but the local surgeon said that it’s not available in this country. So, with a lack of any other options, we settled on the Lap-band.

Insurance companies are funny about weight loss surgery. If they cover it, they usually don’t contribute much (not as high a percentage of the costs as say, an emergency appendectomy). Which is kind of funny, because losing weight alleviates a lot of health problems. When they do cover it, they usually like you to go on a doctor-supervised diet for 3-6 months and do all sorts of other things that NO ONE else having any kind of surgery has to go through. Those things right there are enough to stop some people from doing this. Lucky for us, Mister’s parents offered to gift us the money so we didn’t have to do that.

Mister was also not too set on the Lap-band. He definitely did NOT want the RNY, because he really didn’t like the idea of someone rearranging his plumbing. Nor was he keen on the risks of malabsorption and dumping syndrome that are common with that procedure. As far as the Lap-band goes, we knew that it was easy to eat around it, and didn’t like the fact that it left this foreign object inside you for like, ever. Further research showed that if we were to ever move out of the area, we’d be hard pressed to find a surgeon who would do the fills required to keep the Lap-band doing its job. Also, I found out through another one of Adam’s posts that the reason one needs fills all the time is because the saline dissipates over time - it is not because your esophagus gets smaller as you get thinner, like the surgeon at the seminar we went to said and like I see a lot of people saying on various message boards. This makes it a lifelong maintenance item, in addition to the lifelong lifestyle changes that need to be made. It was too much. Again, fate stepped in and led us to a doctor that does the procedure Mister wanted.

One of Mister’s relatives in the SF Bay area had a vertical gastrectomy done at Laparoscopic Associates of San Francisco and highly recommended them. This worked out perfectly, since Mister has family in the area that we could stay with during the initial recovery before coming home. So, Mister got in touch with the doctor and after some consultations with the doctor, dietitian and such, the surgery was scheduled for December 16.

I initially did not want to go up to the hospital to sit and wait for him. I didn’t think I’d be very good at doing that without making myself and everyone else around me crazy, so I planned on being at work and going up that weekend to drive him home. At the last minute I freaked, called into work, and packed a bag so I could go up with him. When it came down to it, being there for him was more important to me than my own sanity. That and being with him as much as I could be calmed me more than not being there. So the day before the surgery, we drove up to San Francisco, met the doctor for the first time (and one last consult before the surgery), and drove back down to the south bay to see the in-laws. We got settled and arranged a wake up time so that we could be at the hospital for 6am. It wasn’t a very good night’s sleep, but I don’t think anyone sleeps well before something like that.

The next morning we all piled into the inlaw’s land yacht for the trip into San Francisco. We got to the hospital, checked in, and waited. When Mister got called back, I went with him. I wanted to stay with him until they kicked me out. I helped him get into his oh-so-stylish hospital gown and packed his clothes in the regulation hospital “patient property” bag. He joked with the nurse a bit as she got an IV started on him. Mister and I have very similar humor styles, so some of the jokes were in stereo, or so it seemed. Good spirits is always a good thing. The doctor came in to say hi and took off again. Then we walked back to the OR area. The surgical nurse hooked Mister up to the warmer. We weren’t sure what this meant, but they guy came at Mister really fast with a big hose and started fumbling around in the genital region. Turns out that the gown has two layers and has a vent area to hook the hose up to so warm air can be delivered. The vent on the gown just happens to be near the nether regions. Anyway, Mister met with the surgical nurse and the anesthesiologist - more questions, looking, and last minute checks. Then it was time go to. The doctor likes to have patients walk into the OR if they can to help reduce the chances of blood clots, so off Mister went, and I went back to the waiting area. Walking out of there, it was hard for me to not lose my shit, because if I did I knew that there was no way I’d be getting up off the floor anytime soon. So luckily I was able to let that feeling pass and got back to where the in-laws were waiting.

We were told that we could wait downstairs in the lobby, and I could check in at the desk for information. They gave me one of those flying saucer things they give you when you’re waiting for a table at a restaurant. The surgery was scheduled to take about 2 hours, so we ate breakfast at the cafe and browsed the gift shop a bit, then sat down to wait. Finally, just past 11am, my buzzer went off. I ran over to reception, where they told me that Mister was in recovery and that I’d be able to see him in about 2 hours. Yay! More waiting, but he was OK. About 20 minutes later the doctor came down. He gave me a paper with some post-op instructions, and a copy for our doctor here at home, and told me that the surgery went well but that Mister woke up from the anesthesia swinging and ready to fight. Mister’s never been under or had surgery before, but this definitely sounded like him. I was happy, and continued waiting anxiously to see him.

We ate lunch at the cafe again, then went to find Mister since I should be able to see him. After walking around and being led back and forth a bit, I finally found out the room he’d be in and was able to wait there. They kept him in recovery a little bit longer because his blood pressure started to rise, but pain meds took care of that and he was finally able to come down to his room. When they wheeled his bed into the room, Mister had a goofy smile on his face and was doing a modified version of the Royal Wave. Yep, he’s definitely going to be fine.

The recovery wasn’t as easy as Mister initially thought it would be. He thought that the pain would be no problem, but this was a bit more than he wanted. For laparoscopic procedures, they fill the belly area with gas, and it takes a while to dissipate - which is done through burping and farting. Plus, while the doctor was in there he fixed an umbilical hernia, which was the most painful of Mister’s incisions, so he wasn’t fully expecting that. But Mister got exponentially better with each passing day, and once we survived the awful California freeways, the only complaint that Mister had was drinking those blasted protein shakes all the time.

The diet is different now. Mister was on thin liquids for 2 weeks, and since he needs to make sure he gets enough protein, he was drinking those awful vitamin store protein shakes. After that was soft solids - things like cottage cheese, eggs, etc. - and more shakes to make sure he gets the protein in. The focus is protein, so that comes first, before any kind of carbs, which he maxes out on at 40g per day. He’s on solid food now, and needs to make sure not to eat too much at once. His stomach is now a thin tube instead of the giant pouch it was, so it’s 2-4oz at a time, no snacking, and chew thoroughly. It’s a big change, for sure.

So how’s he doing? Great! Mister is really doing awesome. He weighed in at 422 as he was walking into the OR. We didn’t have a scale at home that could weigh him, but the doctor recommended one that could (and looks just like a regular bathroom scale), so we ordered that. As of this writing, exactly 1 month after surgery, Mister is down to 368. He has more energy now - not enough to be running a marathon, but enough to help me out with some light housework. Also? This will sound very strange to you, since he has to go down to eating practically nothing, but he’s got a renewed interest in cooking. He said that since he can only eat so much and he needs to make every bite count, he wants to make sure that what he eats is as flavorful as possible. I’ll admit that flavor isn’t one of my strong points in cooking (Bland is Grand!), so I think we’re both happy with Mister cooking more.

That’s what’s been happening with us lately. It’s hard to have so much going on and not be able to write about it, but now you know. It’s already brought about a positive change for Mister, and I hope it will bring a lot more positive changes for us. Mister and I both want to be healthier, and this certainly puts him on a path in the right direction. If I’m going to be eating what he eats (but in normal stomach sized quantities) and making sure I don’t bring tempting foods into the house, then that will be good for me as well. I’m already down about 3lbs this month, so hopefully I’ll continue on that path too. Here’s to good health and my incredible shrinking husband!

I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions, at least not with any amount of seriousness. This year is no different. I do, however, have goals. I always have goals, but I’m not always so forthcoming with what exactly those goals are. So, without further adieu, I give you my goals:

Health

I’d like to get my weight on a downward slide. I’ve been overweight for too long now, and my weight has inched up over the past few months. This is not acceptable. Not only does nothing look good on me, I’m way out of shape - a point that was driven home when I went to the mall the other day. A simple walk around the mall at a leisurely pace totally kicked my ass, and I had to take a nap when I got home. No, this will not do.

I’d like to eat healthier. I’m not talking about swapping out microwave meals for their slightly less evil counterparts, either. I’m looking to severely limit the amount of processed foods in my diet. They’re so prevalent today, and so not good for you. It’s a process, and I’m not going all out just yet. I’ll work on this by focusing on planning my meals around healthy protein sources and veggies, and trying not to look at all the crap on offer at the supermarket.

Also in the eating category, this goal is intended to save money: I’d like to make it a goal to eat out as little as possible. Sometimes it’s necessary, like when we travel, but other times it’s not. I’m going to try my best to bring healthy lunches to work so that I’m not tempted to spend money on an unhealthy meal.

Home

I really need to get this place organized. It’s not a total pig sty - I mean, give me a little credit - but we do suffer from Horizontal Surface Disease. You know how every flat surface in the house will get covered in STUFF? We got that. I need to figure out a way to get stuff organized and figure out some systems that work with my I-don’t-want-to-deal-with-it-itis. I want to figure out a way to keep things organized with the least amount of effort possible. Still working on that one.

Blog

I spent a good deal of Saturday going through my reader and blogroll to sync them up. I need to do a better job of keeping up with that in the future. It’s too easy to add things to the reader and forget about the blogroll.

I want to try to post a bit more often. I’ve been really slack on that over the past year or so, and it’s just not acceptable. I really like my blog, and interacting with all of you, and posting more than 3-4 times a month will help with that. Also? If I want to sharpen up my writing skills, I need to do something other than stare blankly at the computer when I get home from work.

Since I’m still lusting after the Thesis theme, I’d like to buy that and get it installed on my blog sometime. I think it will be just the thing to help me do more with my blog without having to learn a whole bunch of nasty code, which I just don’t have time for.

Those are the main things I want to work on this year. I’m sure I have other goals, but right now I think I’m coming down with a nasty cold and it’s preventing me from working to my full potential.

What are your goals for the next year and beyond?

I went to the dentist yesterday.

Got an inlay done, which is now ceramic and doesn’t require a 2nd visit. They take 3-D digital images of your tooth and have a machine that carves you an inlay right there in the office. It really wasn’t so bad. I mean, other than the chemical pina colada flavor of the topical numbing agent. Or the fact that I still can’t quite feel my cheek. Or the industrial strength epoxy they used to glue the inlay in place. Man, if I thought the novocaine was wearing off, I forgot all about it when I got a whiff of that stuff. It’s probably not legal to drive after smelling that.

And yes, I did smell a whiff of smoke when the dentist started drilling. But I survived.

It’s official. I have no willpower. I was all set to get back on track today, packing low-fat yogurt, strawberries and grilled chicken breast for my lunch, when a vendor brought us cupcakes. Who can resist those? They’ve got to be 10pts each. But I had one. And they came right after I finished my mid-morning snack, so I wasn’t even hungry. But I had one.

Already this week we’ve had a birthday potluck at work. Now this. Oh, and I should mention that last night I had Kraft Mac&Cheese for dinner. That used to be one of my favorite things to eat. But not anymore. I wasn’t totally turned off by it, but I didn’t finish it either. The blue box has lost its luster for me. I think that if I am craving mac and cheese in the future, I’ll be making it myself. It’s just as easy to whip up with some whole wheat pasta and shredded cheese. And it’s a whole lot tastier, not to mention healthier. Now, I’m not going to say never, but I don’t think I’ll be going for the blue box again.

It’s funny what happens when you start eating healthier. As you put better foods - fresh stuff prepared at home - into your body, you get used to it. Your tummy and the rest of your body thanks you. Then when you put processed crap in, after you’ve gotten used to the healthy stuff, your body reacts in a bad way. It starts groaning, “Why did you do that to me? Why?” And you have to answer it, “Because I remembered how muchs I used to like the crap and my eyes and mind haven’t figured out that I really shouldn’t have it anymore.” My body knows what it wants and needs. Now I just need to tell my head that.

Still to work on: willpower. And exercise. Falling far short in both those areas.

I think I blew it this week. We had yet another potluck for a birthday at work (and another one next week). The food was just so good that I couldn’t resist. Well, I probably could have resisted the pastries. But the strawberries did it for me. Strawberries dipped in sour cream - trust me on this - then dipped in a brown sugar and cinnamon mix. It was heaven. At least that was the bulk of my overindulgence. Other than that, and Fritos cravings (very unusual for me to crave crunchy salty snacks), I think I’ve been doing ok. I’ll tell you one thing - once your body gets used to healthier foods it starts to reject the crap. I had my first afternoon slump in ages today, and even though it’s 8:30pm, I’m still feeling the slump. But I would not be me if I didn’t push myself to stay caught up on the blogosphere, despite my need to zone out in front of the television.

So as I was going through my reader tonite, I came across a post on TwiTip about making your tweets worth following. I read the article when it came out a few weeks ago, but for some reason it didn’t really stick then. Reading it again tonite, I took note of who the guest poster was. Summer Tomato was the home blog of the author, and it was mentioned that it was a blog about healthy eating. Hey, I’m trying to do that more and more! Maybe I’ll check this place out. Turns out, Summer Tomato is a treasure trove of good, common sense healthy eating facts. What’s preached on the blog is very similar to the healthy eating habits that WW teaches, but it goes further by endorsing fresh, local, non-processed foods as well. WW falls short there, because they have their own line of processed foods. I’m still looking around on Summer Tomato and I’m really liking what I see there. There’s no quack advice, as far as I can tell. Like I said, it’s all common sense stuff on there, and that’s what I like best about it.

If you get a chance, head over to Summer Tomato for some sensible talk about healthy eating.

So tomorrow at work, I weigh in at WW after my first week on it. It’s been a crappy week, food-wise. The cheap bastard frugal Yankee inside me didn’t want to waste any of the ice cream cake I got for my birthday, so I was eating a bit of that every night (Mister helped). Then, as I counted points earlier this week, paying attention to filling foods and not eating any crap (except the cake), I noticed that despite eating what I ought to be eating, I was not satisfied. I had a gnawing hunger inside me. I looked over my food diary and it hit me - in my quest to eat “good” foods, I had been largely ignoring carbs. I had inadvertently put myself on a South Beach style diet. No wonder I was going crazy. To rectify that, last night I had a big bowl of spaghetti. Today I had a Lean Cuisine meal that had noodles in it, and I had some cheese and whole wheat crackers for a snack. Oh, and I didn’t write down a single thing that I ate. I feel better having had some carbs. Oh, and the ice cream cake is gone. That vanished during the night.

WW programs apparently get tweaked from time to time. When I did this about 18 months ago, they had 2 choices - the regular points system, or the core system. Everyone gets the basic idea of points, so I’ll skip over that. The core program gave you an extensive list of healthy foods to eat, and you were not restricted from eating any of them or any quantity of them. Just eat until you are satisfied - know your comfort zone. The foods on the list were designed to help you feel full and get the most bang for your buck as far as being nutritious and filling ur belleh.

Today, the core program is gone. The WW program is now known as the Momentum program. Points are back for everyone, and a lot of former core foods are now known as filling foods and highlighted in the booklet. But you gotta keep track of your points. When I signed up this time, I did it with the intention that I’d do the core program this time. I found that last time I’d keep up the motivation to track points for about a week or 2, then fall off. With core, I’d have a list of good foods to eat and that’s it. The list wasn’t restrictive at all, unless you insist on living on a diet of fast food and junk food. I knew I could do it with the guidance of the core program.

I am so over counting points.

I’ll still attend the WW meetings at work, since I paid for it. But I’m already aware of what I put in my mouth, and I make a decent effort at eating healthy as it is. The place I need to make more of an effort is planning and shopping. I need to have enough of a plan so I don’t make bad choices at the supermarket. And I need to plan well enough ahead so that I bring my lunch to work instead of going out all the time (that second one saves $$$ too). Buy healthy snacks for work, which is my downfall, and have plenty of healthy stuff at home. Just tell me what those healthy foods are so I don’t go nuts. Give me the alternatives so that I can satisfy my cravings without major sabotage. Don’t make me count points. I don’t mind writing down what I eat, but I don’t want to do the math. It takes up too much of my precious time. While I understand the reasoning behind keeping a food diary - to make you more aware of what goes in your mouth - I think that once someone has a decent grasp of what’s good and what isn’t, counting points/calories/whatever can be counter intuitive by focusing too much on food. Food should be a healthy habit, not a point counting OCD nightmare.

I have to admit that even my chocolate cravings have waned quite a bit. Did you know that I have a bunch of chocolate here on my desk at home that has been pretty much untouched since I got it at Christmas? I’m not talking about the super yucky chocolate or something coffee flavored that I don’t like. This is the big H - Hershey’s. I love Hershey’s chocolate. I love it so much that I look at it every day. If it were in my desk at work, it would not have made it to see 2009. I obviously have the willpower to resist. Plus I find a nice glass of chocolate milk (lactose-free skim) does so much more for me than a candy bar or brownie. And honestly, I think the vitamin regimen is helping too. I recently started a daily cocktail of calcium, magnesium and a daily multi, and I really think it’s helping. Put it this way: I have PMS right now, but you’d never know it by my cravings. How unbelievable is that?

So like I said, I’ll continue the WW at work, at least for this 10-session period. But what I really need is to take all the information I have and come up with a healthy way of eating and living that works for me. I’m tired of being overweight, and tired of counting points. I think there’s enough good information in my arsenal to start forming healthier habits. I’m determined to do this!