Oct 12 2007
This Post is Brought to You By…
An extremely inebriated me, courtesy of Boyfriend’s birthday present of Grey Goose Vodka. Boyfriend keeps laughing at me for some odd reason. Anyway…
I went into work feeling pretty good today. First of all, it’s Friday, so that in itself is a good thing. Plus, I was still high from the success of Boyfriend’s birthday celebration last night. Yes, his birthday was yesterday, but I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone. I still managed to pull it off. I’ll detail that in another post, though - hopefully tomorrow.
Anyway, I’m at work, doing the menial shit that I do, and something happens to burst my bubble. On the one hand, I like my job because I do mindless busy work all day. I’m very good at mindless busy work, and it’s very low stress. On the other hand, I have to deal with my superiors who I feel don’t really know my full value. I am constantly questioned about how much work I have to do and how I’m keeping up with it. Here’s a hint - my inbox is empty. I always have things that people ask for - if I couldn’t produce these things, I wouldn’t be doing my job. It’s that simple. My desk is not a mess. So what’s the problem? Apparently, because I am in a clerical position, I am not supposed to have an IQ of over 80. Now, I’ve not been professionally evaluated, but various online quizzes, both simple and in-depth, put my IQ at around 125. So it’s not that I’m overqualified for my job. Well, maybe just a little bit. But I’m way over intelligent for my job. This is where the problem lies.
I have never really been in a job that I haven’t done extremely well at. But I also haven’t really been in a job that I’ve been really passionate about. Talking with most people, Boyfriend included, I get the idea that it doesn’t matter so much about what the job is or how much I like it, as long as the paycheck has lots of zeros on it I should be happy. Well, that’s not me. I want enough to pay the bills, sure, and enough to do a few things outside of work that I want to do, like eat and maybe buy a CD once in awhile, but the paycheck is not what I live for. Think about it. If I’m going to spend most of my waking time working, shouldn’t I enjoy that work? Shouldn’t I get some sort of satisfaction from that job beyond my bank deposits? I think so. So why is it that despite the fact that I am good at nearly everything I have tried thus far, I do not like most of it?
Take retail, for example. Retail jobs vary wildly in what is being sold and the clientele that the product or service is being sold to. I know that I do not care at all for commission positions. No matter how much I like the product, knowing that there are quotas that I need to meet kind of kill the passion for me. But knowing my product, knowing it well and enjoying it to some degree are all things I like, as are making the customer happy with that knowledge. But everyone knows that retail hours suck, as does the pay. Unless you are in management, in which case you get much better money and way more regular hours, but you don’t get to work with the customers as much unless you are the last ditch effort to placate them. So that kills retail for the most part.
I got burned out on retail, so I decided to get into office work. I started with a temp agency and kinda floated my way around the admin assistant world, where I still wander aimlessly. I like admin work to a certain degree. I like being the indespensible person who is the “glue that holds the office together.” (I think one of my old bosses said that once, when I worked for a graphic design firm.) I like being the one, a la Jennifer on WKRP in Cincinnati, who doesn’t seem to do much of anything but has the office totally fall apart when not there.
I also noticed that I like being in a somewhat creative environment, which allows me to be my regular wacky (though somewhat closeted wacky) self. I wrote about more creative desires a few months back. My feelings haven’t changed much. I still have very creative inspirations, however pent-up they may be. I have creative desires, though I don’t know much what I want to do with them. I like fabrics, because it’s a very tactile thing. I would love to sew my own clothes and have everyone ask who the designer is - not be that person who looks so obvious that they only know one pattern when they sew their own stuff. I like paper crafts - not scrapbookking so much, because those who know me know how I feel about jumping on the popularity bandwagon. I feel more drawn to cardmaking and collage stuff. I like little bits and bobs, and scraps of stuff and imagining how they will all go together - and this is where I get stuck. I can’t quite seem to turn the ideas that are in my head into a tangible object that someone might actually want, and maybe, just maybe, even want to pay money for.
Right now I am working in the finance department of a big company, whose name and industry shall remain nameless for the sake of my job security. I am a clerk. Myself and one other clerk that I work closely with are the lowest common denominators in the entire finance department, as far as I can tell. Everyone else does actual finance stuff. I am still there on a temp-to-perm basis, and going perm would be nice. The company has good benefits of which I would like to take advantage. They have educational reimbursement, and ever since the hell of setting up a company in Quickbooks, like I did in my previous job despite the lack of any accounting education or real experience, I found that accounting would be a safe and practical vocation to get into. So the plan is to stay where I’m at, get shit on daily, and eventually get hired so I can actually take advantage of their benefits. I’ll get my accounting degree on their dime, already have my foot in the door and be friends with everyone in the department so I can learn as much as possible, and then, um, do something with the degree. Not sure yet. Accounting bored me silly in college, but that was all classroom and no practical experience. Now I find I am good at it when I can put it into practice, and like it ok, but there are so many facets to accounting. Cost? A/P? A/R? Corporate taxes? Personal taxes? Audit? Revenue? General Ledger? Which one do I choose and why? Do I fall into one because the job is offered or will one of those actually hit me in the head and say, “Hey, shithead, THIS is the facet of the accounting world that you will excel at, be deliriously happy at, and make lots of money at!” I just don’t see that happening. So how do I get myself psyched up for that kind of career?
I read at Aurelius’s New Direction today a post entitled What’s Your Specialty? I swear, someone out there is reading my mind, or at least living a parallel life to mine. I have not specialized in anything. I started working retail because that’s what most kids in high school and college do to earn some cash. It was ok, and I stayed at it even after I graduated college. College, by the way, was a study in existence rather that goal-achieving. I started out as a candidate for an assiociate’s degree in interior design, based on my monthly spending on interior decorating magazines and books and lack of spending on fashion magazines. I drank too much first semsester and stumbled around a bit. Second semester, I decided to major in the only class I passed - business. Small business management, to be exact. Good skills to have, if you know what kind of business you want to run. But along with business came balance sheet and accounting stuff that I couldn’t grasp as long as it was conceptual and not practical. So after bullshitting my way through an English Lit final, I convinced myself along with the professor that I wanted to be an English teacher. I finished up my last two semester of the two-year college as a Liberal Arts major, transferred to a four-year school as a double English/education major, and all of a sudden - I felt like I was in the wrong life. So very wrong, it was overwhelming and my life had taken on this echo-like outside looking in feeling, like I had been reincarnated in the wrong life. So I quit school and continued on with my supermarket retail life.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah. How the hell do you people do it, day in and day out? Are you passionate about your jobs, or more passionate about the paychecks? I have a theory that people who bring home the bacon in a big way do actually really like what they do. Either that or they like being a miserable, backstabbing ass just so they can get ahead in whatever their mind determines to be ahead, but that’s not me. I want to be happy. I just haven’t figured out how to do that, at least career-wise, without losing what I already have. I can’t afford to take a step backwards. I still have bills to pay. I want to really enjoy my time at work as much as I enjoy my time off work, and I don’t want to do that with any mind-numbing, zen like exercises that my Dad taught me, the same ones he uses to deal with my stepmother and other idiots in his life. No, I want organic on the job happiness, enough of a paycheck to live off of and be able to adequately enjoy my off time, and perhaps another drink.
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