I was working out at Curves the other day, and they were conducting one of their fun activities that they do from time to time to keep things fun and interesting and not just the same boring workout. This one was based on some guessing game show that was on years ago, or so they tell me. Pick a number between one and six, and if you pick one particular number, you lose.
I have to tell you that I hate guessing games. There are some things sure to cause anxiety in me, and the word “guess” is one of them. Being a perfectionist, I hate to lose, and losing at something in which I have absolutely no way to manipulate the outcome using my intellect is just too nerve-wracking for me. So I refused to play. This may make me a spoil-sport or whatever but I don’t care. We weren’t playing against anyone else, so no one else lost out on the experience because I wouldn’t play. What it did accomplish was me being able to remain calm and focused.
My quest to never mess up, ever, is apparent in a lot of things I do. Take this blog for example. You’ll notice that I don’t post much anymore. It’s not because I don’t want to, believe me. I just have a hard time constructing eloquent posts. Maybe I’ve been at it too long and have set my expectations too high. Maybe I’m afraid that what I say won’t be received the way I intend it to be. Maybe it’s because I’m not in the “just right” mood for being able to write something. Or maybe it’s because I’m afraid I’ll miss out on other things I want to do because I’m busy posting on my blog. Ok, that last one really means that I get too distracted with everything else online when I sit down intending to write.
I’ve always been a perfectionist. I know that it holds me back from doing things, even small things, because I’m afraid of it not being right. To me, if it’s not perfect, then it’s a total failure. There’s no in between. Right now in my life I’m struggling as I find myself in a position that I never thought I’d be in. Decisions need to be made – actually, decisions are being made whether I want them to be or not. It’s up to me to deal with it as best I can. I don’t like it one bit, and all the hard work I did to not find myself in this position doesn’t really seem to matter now.
Other Posts Like Me:
- I’m so unique that there are no other posts like me!
I seem to be in a similar situation with my blog. The expectations that I seem to have for myself is that every post should be lengthy and insightful. I’m trying to impose a maximum word count on myself, which should also increase the frequency of my posting, so we’ll see how that goes.
I keep meaning to post but then I turn around and it’s been 2 weeks. I wish I had more motivation to just write and hit publish and not look back.
My experience is that perfectionists tend to be some of the most miserable, unhappy people around. At least you’re aware that you’re doing it to yourself, that’s half the battle.
You have no idea how much freedom there is over here in “good enough” land. I beckon my hand to you from over here. :-D
Thanks. I am working on it and trying to find balance, but there’s also the other stuff that’s been wearing on me, which makes it harder to just let things roll off my shoulders.