KirstenL4W

Have any of you been to Trader Joe’s? I’ve been in a few times, when I was shopping for 1, and usually would pick up a little something here and there, usually frozen foods. TJ’s is usually lumped in the same category as Wild Oats and Whole Foods, since they tend not to carry the same varieties of processed foods that conventional supermarkets do (no sugar puffs cereal, no foods in neon colors, etc). The other stores, however, cost a lot. They don’t call it “Whole Paycheck” for nothing. But if you shop at the other stores, they start to look like conventional stores dressed up in natural clothing. Not that Trader Joe’s is 100% all natural and all organic - I’m sure if you start looking hard enough you’ll find a preservative or something on one of their labels.

The thing that surprises most people once they start shopping there is that TJ’s is less expensive than a traditional supermarket. Yep, that’s right. Boyfriend was shocked at how little we spent, and we even got a giant piece of salmon for dinner. Now forget about your local Wally World megalomania mart - they may have better prices on regular stuff than the regular stores do, but come on now. Shopping there is a chore. Shopping at TJ’s is fun. The food looks great, yummy, delicious, even when it’s sitting in the frozen food cases. I’m inspired to cook when I’m there, and trust me, that ain’t an easy thing for me to feel.

Boyfriend did have a few criticisms. One, they’re not open 24 hours. In Vegas, all supermarkets are open 24 hours (except for the wild and whole ones). So closing at 9pm like they do puts a serious crimp in the last minute plans to go get some frozen taquitos. Boyfriend also said the the selection was a bit slim. Now, the stores are small - really small, like the tiny supermarket my extended family shops at when they’re spending time at the summer home at Lake Ossipee, NH. But when you go there and really look at the selection, you’ll see that they really don’t lack anything. Everything you need to make a decent meal - not even a health freak meal, I’m talking about a regular decent meal - is there. Besides, who really needs the toaster pastries with purple frosting?

A couple posts back, I put forth the question Am I A Good Blogger? So many blogs about blogging make it sound like those of us who have personal blogs are doing everything wrong, according to the Bible of Blogging. We’re can’t possibly be serious about blogging if we don’t have a niche. We’re told that our blogs are boring, that no one wants to read about our personal lives. We’re told that blogging is a business, not a hobby for us little people.

My post brought lots of thought-provoking comments. Devilish Southern Belle referred to her site as a “vanity site.” I like that. After all, aren’t most blogs about vanity? I haven’t found too many altruistic blogs out there. It seems like everyone blogging is either talking about themselves, talking about how much money they make blogging, or talking about what an expert they are on being a way too cool super popular blogger.

Diesel has a rather funny personal blog, and had some interesting observations about StumbleUpon. He takes the best of the “good blogger” advice and makes it work for him.

Snoskred did an entire post based on mine. She brought up some good points. Getting my own domain has been at the back of my mind for a while, and eventually I would like to build a bigger website. I like what Jordon’s done with his site, so something along those lines would be good - not a hugely in depth site, but a few extra pages to show who he is and what his interests are is pretty much the kind of thing I was thinking about. Of course, I would need to learn a lot more about different platforms and how to actually run a whole website. That will come with time - having the time! But back to the issue at hand…

I read a couple of blog posts that made me feel better about my blog and where it’s at. The first one is from SuperBlogging and is titled, “Your Blog Can Be Whatever You Want It To Be“. All I have to say to that is Amen, brother. And this morning I read (thanks to Snoskred) this article entitled, “How Do You Measure Your Success As A Blogger?” Look at the very first bullet point. “…is it by personal satisfaction, knowing that your needs are met? That your sense of community has been satisfied?” It’s extremely rare that a blogger will write a post about blogging that actually considers the needs of the individual blogger. And yes, this is exactly why I blog.

I started this blog as a personal journal and quickly branched out into all things about me (hence the title of my blog). This blog is me, through and through. It’s not about lining my pockets, and it’s not about making the rest of you feel like you need to scramble to keep up with how great I am. It’s just me, and now that I’ve been at it awhile it’s about the friends I’ve made too. I’ve kept in touch with friends and family, gotten re-acquainted with old friends, and made new friends along the way. Knowing that there are real people on the other end of the internet makes it worthwhile, and even if no one is reading, just getting things out in the open is worth it, too.

Since my last post, which was really quite heavy and emotionally draining (as was the entire week before the post), I have been feeling relatively uninspired regarding blog posts. I’ve been reading some excellent posts that all my blogging friends put out, but here, I haven’t felt much like blogging.

Things with Boyfriend are absolutely wonderful. I feel so much more relaxed now in the relationship, so I’ve been enjoying that. And he’s getting involved in a CD mix exchange with me, which will be fun. It’s a mix of cover songs, and since between the 2 of us we have a lot of ideas that will fill 2 CD’s, he’s going to do his own mix for me to send out along with mine. What fun! It’s due sometime in September, so I’ll be posting that once it’s done and sent out.

For now, though, sleep beckons. Last week was rather tiring, especially with a group of women living up to their racial stereotypes who were being way, way too loud in the pool long after it had closed for the evening. When the courtesy patrol failed to respond in a timely manner, Boyfriend went down to try and convince them to be quiet, and everything got louder. It took a couple of hours to calm down from that, and I only got 3 hours of sleep that night. So not good, but I think management drilled into them and security what the rules are and how to go about following/enforcing them. So, with that, I bid you good night.

A wonderful boyfriend. Memories of heartache. A blog post. Birthdays. Stress about the car. All these things and more brought about the feeling, and decision, that I wanted to go back home to New England. I told Boyfriend, through tears, what I wanted to do. He was willing to give me whatever it takes for me to be happy. Then I went to bed, and the overwhelming thought that I had made a mistake came over me. I couldn’t help but think, “What the hell have I done?”

I journaled about it, and what came out of my pen surprised me. I mean, I knew I was having these thoughts, but the way they came out on paper surprised me. I talked to Boyfriend some more. He really is wonderful. He didn’t want me to go, but he didn’t stand in my way if that’s what I really wanted. So I thought a lot, about a lot of things. Why I came here and everything that’s happened since I’ve been here.

I came here, simply, because I always wanted to move far away. It was something I’ve wanted ever since I was a kid in school, and we’d get a new student who came from far away. I wanted to be that kid, but it never happened. In a more abstract, over-thinking sort of way, I wanted to be closer to me. I come from an area where my family is well known, and they all live very close to each other (think walking distance). Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Knowing lots of people and everyone knowing you can be very advantageous, and having everyone so close means you never miss a birthday, cookout, holiday or other gathering. But I had become the person that everyone wanted me to be, and it pleased everyone but me. I had this idea of a person inside my head that I was, that I wanted to be, and being away from everyone and totally on my own allowed me to be a lot closer to that person. Moving away allowed me to become closer to myself, to know myself better, and to show the world who I am.

I still miss everyone. I miss being there for holidays. I traveled home as often as I could, but it wasn’t enough. This August is the first time that I won’t be there to celebrate Messy J and Bubba’s birthdays. Bubba misses me too much. He’s turning 14 on Tuesday and though he won’t admit it, he really likes having his Aunty around. He’s a great kid, and I miss having him around too. Messy J is just adorable, and I miss being there for her and being silly with her. It would be easier to be away if I didn’t have such an amazing family, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Boyfriend is also amazing. He put aside his own feelings to let me talk through this, and he is so great at listening. So good, in fact, that after yesterday’s session with my head shrinker I realized that I get so much more out of talking with Boyfriend, and head shrinker and I are not on the same page anymore. So I didn’t make another appointment with her, but I also walked out knowing that what I have with Boyfriend is so amazing, that I can’t give that up. I tried by telling him I wanted to go home. And I realized that why I said I wanted to go home all came down to me not totally opening myself up and giving my all to this relationship. See, in the game of love, I had been hurt before.

The last significant relationship I had was one that saw the hurt dragging on much longer than it should have. I fell deeper and was hurt more than ever before, and my insistence on trying to work it out and staying friends (with the intention of it picking back up again someday) kept a certain level of heartache in my life, because I refused to see that it would never happen. Eventually, I cut my losses and was better for it. But I was also determined to never get hurt like that again. So I built my life, alone and was content with that. Content. Not necessarily happy, but that’s where my walls were. In refusing to allow myself to be hurt again, I was also refusing to allow myself to be happy. As wonderful as Boyfriend is, I kept thinking that it wasn’t going to last, because everything ends, right? I actually had myself convinced that I was better off alone, because with all those walls built up I could control everything, down to my emotions. I started focusing on what I didn’t have with him that I had when I was alone, but in the end I realized that I had so, so much more than I had given up. To be able to eat a pint of ice cream in one sitting while watching sappy chick flicks can still be had - when Boyfriend goes away on a business trip. I’m not giving anything up by being with him.

Boyfriend finally came out and said he thought that I was making a mistake. He said I was unhappy enough to leave New England in the first place, and if I went back I’d be miserable. I know he’s right. I pictured myself living at my mom’s house, feeling dejected, like I had failed in my attempt to leave home and be happy. I wouldn’t be going home with a new sense of purpose and a fresh outlook on life, like Macoosh decided this week. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to go home knowing I left a good life and a great Boyfriend. I didn’t want to go away from anything, and although I have my family and friends there, they’ll always be my family and friends no matter where in the world we are. So I wasn’t going to them. I wasn’t going to anything. So I’m going to stay here, in a place where I have so much more than I could ever have imagined.

I spent a decent amount of time today reading various blogging tips blogs. I’m always interested in what I can do to make my blog better, but it’s also got to work for me. I’m not an A-list blogger and never will be. I’m not an expert on anything and don’t claim to be. I only have one niche - ME, as evidenced by my blog’s title.

I’ve played with my blog’s template and gotten it to where I’m satisfied with it. I have a lot of ideas that I’d like to try, design-wise, but lack both the time to try them out and the expertise to figure it out.

My pagerank isn’t where it could be. I don’t have time to dedicate to heavy social networking, like Digg, StumbleUpon, Technorati, del.icio.us, etc. If I did I’m sure I’d have more readers than I do now. As it is, I don’t even track my stats, so I have no idea how many readers I get. I do have counters and such, but I don’t have time to pay attention to them.

The biggest mistake I make, according to all the pros out there, is that I don’t have my own domain. I can’t be a serious blogger if I don’t, right? Sure, I’m here on Blogger, and I am serious about my blog. I’m just not serious about making this my full time job (full time hobby would be nice, though). I’ve checked out other blog services. I have a LiveJournal that I rarely post on but visit at least 3-4 times a week to see my friend’s blogs. I like Blogger in that it’s the only free service (that I know of) that allows full customization of the html and css code. Free is good for me. Now, I can get my own domain name and continue hosting it on Blogger. I can also get a domain, have a bigger website, and link to the blogger blog. That’s still a thought. But I like Blogger, it’s been good to me, and I have no intention on leaving it just yet. Besides, the work to move everything is just too much for me, and I’ve already established that time does not grow on trees.

What do I do? As far as publicizing my blog goes, I make sure I let my friends and family know it’s the best way to keep up with my goings on. This past year I put labels in all my holiday cards to advertise my blog. Also, as of 5 minutes ago, my blog address is in my email signature. I’ll also check out the message boards I visit frequently and make sure it’s in my signature there also. I’m not looking for a huge audience, but the people who are interested in me, like friends, family, and internet friends will likely want to know if I have a blog and where to find it.

Link-Love and Comments - sure, I practice this. If I like your blog, I’ll link to it. I don’t expect reciprocal links, though blog etiquette says this is the thing to do. Comments are also nice. I try to comment as time allows, but I don’t feel compelled to comment on every single post you have. If I have something to say, I’ll say it, but even in person, I’ve never been one to talk just for the sake of talking. I’m also trying to reply to comments more. I enjoy this kind of dialogue.

Now, for the feedback. What do you all think of my blog? Is there anything that doesn’t work for you? Does it load ok? Let me know, and if it’s a load issue, let me know about what OS, browser, and all that technical stuff that you have so I can pretend to know what to do about it.

78%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

It’s just a hobby. Really.

I got my car back today. Boyfriend and I went on a test drive, then Boyfriend went out on the same test drive with Shop Foreman. Now, it shifts fine in the lower gears, but on the freeway it didn’t shift until over 70mph. And going uphill at 90? Well, back in November my car was quite happy and not stressed at all to do 100 in Texas hill country. Now it barely makes it out of the Las Vegas valley without sounding like it wants to blow into a million bits. So, after the test drives, this is what was determined:

1. Ford says the car is fine. We’ll believe them.
2. We’ll buy the extended warranty from Dad, who can get it at cost.
3. We’ll let the transmission blow to bits. Then it won’t be my problem anymore.

Boyfriend used to work at a dealership, and knows how this warranty stuff works. Basically, the dealership gets paid crap on warranties, so they keep fixing it so that it’s just barely good enough to last until the warranty period expires, then they charge you through the nose to fix it properly. Well, that ain’t gonna happen here. Those bitches down at Ford Country can go to you-know-where and do you-know-what. Grrr.

In other news, Boyfriend and I went out with some friends last night. We went bowling, which was quite a bit different from the bowling I know. I grew up in New England, which means Candlepin Bowling. Outside of New England and the Canadian Maritime provinces, you won’t find candlepin. Out here, you have Big Ball Bowling. I’m not going to debate the benefits of Candlepin vs. Big Ball, except that Candlepin never made my back and shoulder hurt like Big Ball Bowling does. It’s just really hard to play a game you’ve been playing your whole life by different rules, like if I knock down all the pins on the first ball, why can’t I throw the second ball? In candlepin you get three balls no matter what, unless you’re on your last box and you have a mark. I had a hard time with the rules and my shoulder towards the end, but I did pretty darn good compared to our friends. Boyfriend will have to go back east with me to do some real bowling.

Not feeling too well today. I think this whole week just needs to go away.

First, there was the car issue - again. And since I tend to hold all my tension in my neck and shoulders, I have had tight muscles and sharp pains in my shoulders all week. Last night Boyfriend gave me a pill that he takes when his back bothers him. My shoulders feel better today, but I didn’t sleep well at all despite the claims that I would be knocked out cold by this pill. I woke up with a migraine and ended up coming home from work after less than 2 hours there. I slept until after 3pm, then tried to eat something. Of course now South Beach isn’t agreeing with me. I need comfort food (aka carbs) and can’t have any of it. I feel dizzy and queasy. I would probably feel better if I was doing this diet and keeping to a regular schedule, but the migraine really threw me off. I cracked and had some M&Ms for the sugar, since a hard boiled egg, spoonful of peanut butter, and salad weren’t making me feel better. I feel a tiny bit better now, but not much.

After waiting over 3 hours yesterday for Roadside Assistance to come tow my car (something they said could not be done without me there, causing me to miss over 3 hours of work for which I do not get paid), my day was not going well. I was worn out and really wanted to hit the “reset” button. But, I went to work, fumed over the morning’s events, and got some work done. Later in the day I texted Boyfriend with a request.

Me: Can we get drunk and watch the Borat moviefilm tonite?
Him: Yes if we have pizza 4 dinner

We were supposed to start the South Beach Diet yesterday since we both have a few pounds to lose. Yesterday turned out to be a bad, bad day to start any kind of diet. So, I picked up some pizza, soda, and chocolate on the way home from work, and we mixed some adult beverages, ate pizza, and watched the Borat movie. Then I went to bed by 9:30 and slept through the night. I could have used more sleep, but I had to get up and go to work.

My car is still at Ford Country, and so far there is no word from my BFF Bill and his Sidekick Steve. Once they fix my car I really, really want to never see them or talk to them again. And if their techs did their jobs correctly, I won’t have to. I will say this: I will no longer be a Ford customer, and if this crap keeps happening, that may happen sooner rather than later. The extended warranty that we are considering may pay for itself in repairs, but won’t pay for the missed work, the diet sabotage, and the general grief and aggravation. We are still considering our options regarding the car.

I am really pissed off right now. Actually, not pissed so much as I am sweaty. See, Boyfriend and I went out to dinner tonite, just down the street to Panera. We drove my car, which turned over after a few clicks of the engine, just as it had been doing ever since I picked it up Friday evening. Yeah, with a brand new starter it will click a few times before it catches - on a car that has only 29,500 miles on it!!! Well, tonite, after being at Panera for about 30-40 minutes, we went outside to the car so we could get in it and drive home. We got in the car, turned the key, it clicked a few times, then nothing. Boyfriend looked under the hood, and I tried the key a few more times, and nothing. So we walked home, which was only about 1/2 mile, but I was wearing shoes with a 2″ heel and he’s really starting to feel crappy.

Tomorrow I’m going to take his 1993 Ford pickup truck with 161,000 miles on it that runs pretty darn good to work, and when Ford Country opens I’ll call up my BFF Bill and his Sidekick Steve and have a little chat with them. In the past 3 weeks my car has had a complete transmission rebuild (which, btw, is so not shifting properly now), a new starter, a new radio that I don’t even know if it works properly yet because I haven’t had a chance to try it out, and a simple a/c problem that they are claiming isn’t covered under warranty because of an aftermarket part and previous work. Those bitches are going down!