Oct 07 2006
All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go
Not dressed up necessarily, but dressed, and it’s one of those rare occassions that my hair looks really good and isn’t flat. I thought I might be hanging out with The Man again tonight, but he had other plans. I know he’s still reeling from all the drama from this past week, and I’m trying my darndest to be a good friend, because I know he needs that right now. But it’s hard for me. I don’t want to be just friends with him. I want more. Heck, I met him because I answered his personal ad, and it wasn’t in the “just friends” section. I’m trying to be understanding while he deals with the shit in his life, but I have such a hard time with that because I like him and I’m really attracted to him. I keep hoping that any moment he’ll turn around and knock my socks off, if you know what I mean. Does that make me a bad person because he needs friends and understanding right now and all I want is to be swept off my feet? I’m starting to feel like a selfish bitch, and I really don’t want to feel this way. With or without being swept off my feet, I still like spending time with him. Argh.
So here it is, 9pm on a Saturday night - my only day off during the week, and what do I have to show for my day? I got the slides done for church tomorrow, and emailed those off to Pastor Dave. I vacuumed, washed the floors, did laundry, and cleaned the kichen a bit. Then I showered and went to the store to pick up a few things I needed. Came home, ate supper, watched a movie, and here I am, on the computer with a cup of ice cream in front of me. I still feel restless though, because I want to go out and do something. I’ve been sitting at home for so long, having no life, and these past few weeks I’ve really really been wanting a life. But I don’t go to clubs, I don’t go out and just expect to meet people. I’d rather hang with people I already know or meet people through existing connections. I can’t walk down the street and say, hey, lets hang out, and have it happen.
When I lived back east, I used to like to go for a drive to clear my head. Did that quite a bit. I haven’t done that too much since moving out here. For one, Vegas is an island in the middle of the desert, so you’re either in the city or on a single road in the middle of nowhere. Also, I just haven’t had the need to clear my head the way I used to when I lived back there. But tonight, out of pure cabin fever, I just might go for a drive. Gas prices are coming back down, so why not grab a few CDs and go? Then when I get back maybe I’ll do the dishes.
I don’t think you are a selfish bitch. In fact, I would keep the lines defined so that you don’t end up such good friends, you are like brother and sister. Been there - done that!!!
It’s easier to be a great friend after you realize how great of a couple you are.
If you settle, be a friend and mother like, you will fall into that old trap we women always fall into by taking care of others and not ourselves.