KirstenL4W

I’ve really not been in a talkative mood lately. Things at work still bug me, but at least the stress of “I have to deal with this forever” is gone. It’s been replaced by the “I gotta find a job” stress. I had an interview on Friday that I thought went really well. It’s a government job, which would be sweet, and it’s with an agency that I have an inkling of inside knowlege about because of my current job. Hopefully that was enough to push me to the top of the list. In the meantime, I’ll keep pounding the pavement.

Last night I slept. No big surprise there, but the length of time I slept was. I decided to close my eyes around 8:30pm, figuring I’d sleep for a few hours then get up and get online for awhile, then go back to sleep for a few hours. Nope. I got out of bed around 9:30 this morning. I didn’t sleep solidly the whole time, but rather just rolled out of bed when I felt like it. I feel so well rested; it’s a glorious thing. I should enjoy it while it lasts.

I finally got the rest of the stuff for my sister and packaged it up. Now I just need to get it to the post office and get it sent out. Hopefully that will be out Monday or Tuesday. I can’t wait for her to get it, she’ll be thrilled.

My mom is having Boo baptized next week. I wish I could go - those sort of things are the reasons why I miss them so much. I can’t just jump on a plane and fly home for every little thing, and I am getting really tired of being the person who visits once a year. I hate going home and having a bunch of people to check off my list, it doesn’t even feel like I’m visitng or spending quality time with them anymore. I just have a huge list of people to see and check them off. It sucks, I tell ya, sucks.

I went out with The Man tonite. He’s had a heck of a few days. Now that I know what’s been going on somewhat, I totally get why contact has been slim. But I dunno, maybe it’s just that I’m being impatient or something. I like him. I really like him. And if something is going to happen, which I hope it will, then I’m just not used to it happening this slowly. I just need to have more patience.

I guess that’s it for now. I’m just not feeling like sitting at the computer right now. I think I’ll just have some dessert and get to bed at a decent hour (as in, before midnight). Later y’all.

There are just so many changes going on in my life right now. I am actively looking for a new job. I had an interview today, and I think it went fairly well. It’s a government job, and the agency that it’s for is one that I have a bit of inside knowledge about through my current job, so hopefully that will give me a major edge over other candidates even though I have some doubts due to some of the questions I was asked today. Experience doing presentations? Experience with Access? Unfortunately, I have not yet had the opportunity to do that in my work so far. But, I am a quick study and eager to learn. Keep your fingers crossed for this one, because I really want it. It’s a significant amount of money more than I make now, but it’s also a secure career path with many opportunities for advancement.

My co-workers were interviewing people for my replacement today. It’s rather awkward. I mean, I know I’m leaving and they all say they don’t want to see me go, but I’m feeling really left out of everything. Even something simple like lunch plans. Hey, what are you doing for lunch today? We’re going to This Place, do you want anything? No, I’m rarely asked. Even if I never need anything or want/can go, I’d still like to be asked. Those sorts of things bother me more when I’m having low self esteem moments.

I’m having some self doubts about other areas of my life, but rather than wallow in them I’m just pushing forward. The days of me coming home to an empty apartment need to end. Remote Control, I love you but you can’t rule my life anymore. The Man has been out of contact today. Not sure what to make of it. Not sure if I should make anything of it. I mean, I’ve only known him a week. It’s been an incredible week, but I don’t know. I know he had a bad day yesterday. Is he taking a day off today? I’d like to know, but after Mr. Piercing Blue Eyes, I don’t have the patience for that kind of moodiness and non-communication. Mr. PBE’s brother once told me that PBE is worse than a woman with bad pms. I’m sorry, but as a woman who gets pms, I can’t deal with it in a man. But as far as The Man goes, if there’s anything else, then I’d just like to know. Tell me with something other than silence. Just tell me. I’d rather just hear it straight out than sit and wonder, and have the lengthening silence slowly bring me to my senses.

I feel big changes coming in my life, and not just with my job. I just feel a huge shake-up going on all over. My mom is moving to a town I had trouble finding on a map. Now when she talks of home I’ll only have the vaguest of ideas. My job is changing, and I’m feeling an insatiable need to change my social situation. Too much all at once and my brain is going beserk. Lots of incoherent thinking going on, lots to write about, lots to get out.

I haven’t eaten since 10:30am, and I’m famished. Time to cook dinner and relax a bit. Perhaps I’ll get some sleep tonite too. Been getting far too little of that lately.

“You may have been letting tasks and chores around the house go for a few days, Kirsten, and so today you might decide that you need to get them all done at once. You have both the energy and the stamina to do this, so go to it. However, take care not to get too caught up in tiny little details that only you tend to notice. This can keep you from getting the most important chores done.”

That was my horoscope today, the one I get mailed to me every day. I know horoscopes are for entertainment purposes only, but sometimes they are so on the money. See, with cleaning my house, it’s also a bit of a feng shui thing. I’ve noticed that when my house is not clean, I feel like my life is out of control. Or is it that when my life is out of control, my housekeeping takes a dive? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Either way, I need to clean my house. I have to work tonite, and I hate to start cleaning so late because I just. won’t. stop. I really don’t need to be up until the wee hours attacking every speck of dirt I see. But, as The Man might be coming over after a meeting later tonite, I should at least unbury my kitchen counters and get some dishes done. That’s a small, manageable task that will make a big difference. Then this weekend I can focus on the rest of the mess.

I have a job interview tomorrow. Yay me! I’ve been leaving absolutely no stone unturned in my job search, and it’s really a major stress reducer to have Mad Scientist on the same page as me and supporting me through this, so hopefully those feel good vibes will show through during an interview and help me get a fabulous job quickly. I hate going into interviews with the “I’m desperate” vibe, because it’s really not worth the time. That bad vibe will show through and I won’t get the job. But I feel good, I feel confident, and I’m hoping for things to get worked out quickly.

Every now and then, there comes a time in life that, well, shakes things up big time. Sometimes it’s voluntary, sometimes it’s not, and sometimes it’s just due to serendipity. For me, right now I think it’s a bit of all three.

First of all, you all must have read by now about the new church building. What an awesome thing! I’m still looking forward to growing into the new space and watching our congregation grow.

Probably the biggest thing right now is (sit down) that I am looking for a new job. I turned in my resignation last night. That’s right folks, you heard me correctly. I will not longer be working for this company. Why, you ask? Well, see, it just got to a point where I can no longer grow in the direction I want to with this company. The old brick wall. I want to do more, to go further, and it’s been frustrating to not have that opportunity, even as the business grows. So Mad Scientist and I discussed it and we both decided that it would be the best thing for both of us. Even though the frustration at hitting that wall, or ceiling, has affected my performance, Mad Sci still recognizes my strengths and has no problem providing a good reference to help me succeed in the ways that I can. So, since I do not currently have a job lined up yet, I am pounding the pavement, or the keyboard if you will, to find another job. To make sure that I leave no stone unturned, if anyone is looking for an efficient and organized administrative assistant in Las Vegas, please let me know. I will gladly forward my resume.

Now, The Man. I’m sure you are all wondering. Ha. Right now we are developing a friendship, which is the most important basis of all relationships. Who knows what will happen in the future, but the friendship is off to a solid start. To those who might think that well, maybe he doesn’t like you or whatever, I say phooey. I know what the ad said when I answered it, and like I said, a friendship is the basis for what he was seeking from the ad. If you can’t be friends, then what can you be? Yes, I like him. Yes, I would like to see it go further. So far he has shown himself to be honest, open, caring, supportive, hardworking, and I certainly hope that whatever he his looking for in a friendship or more, he can find in me. I can only be myself and see what happens.

Thinking about it on a larger scale, I also recognize that sometimes certain people come into our lives for only a short time, and for a good reason. A decade or so ago I met one of those people. She came from my ancestral land and we quickly developed a friendship, and not just because we had a cultural heritage in common. She was a few years older, wiser, well traveled and had a more grounded, philosophical outlook on life. In my early 20s, I certainly needed that. She was in this country for about 5 months, and then went home. We stayed in touch, and a year later, after much turmoil in my life, both inner and outer, the opportunity arose for me to go visit her. I quickly jumped on it, making plans to be out of my life for a month while I went to visit her in Sweden, then taking some time to myself to travel to Paris and London. I don’t know of anyone who has taken a trip around Europe, staying with friends and in hostels, that can honestly say it hasn’t changed their life in one way or another. But I digress. The point is, after I got home and got stuck in the depression of wanderlust and trying to figure out what to do with my life, I somehow let it slip my mind to write her and stay in touch. It was nearly 6 months later that it finally dawned on me that I hadn’t even written to say thank you. I felt like such a dolt, and sent a letter off to her poste haste. She never replied. I was upset for awhile, but I have come to terms that she was in my life for only a short time to help me have opportunities that I would not have otherwise had.

After that trip, I spent many years wondering what the heck to do with my life. I really wanted to move somewhere far away, and I put a lot of time and effort into trying to figure out how to take things in that direction. After much thought and nothing feeling right, I shelved the idea. The main reason was that I felt too much like I was running away from something, and I didn’t want to run like that. It took me years to figure out that I need to go TO something, and what that something was. As it turns out, there are two Kirstens. (I am a Gemini, you know.) The first Kirsten is the one that everyone sees - a bit homely, lacking confidence and self esteem, with a pleaser personality. The second Kirsten is the one that exists in my head. She’s the Kirsten I want to be, that I imagine myself being. She’s confident, successful, and happy. As I revisited this thought process about moving, it occured to me that if I move far away, away from the external pressures of everyone’s expectations of me, that I might be able to reconcile those two Kirstens into one real being. I’m getting close. I don’t know how close; I think it will always be a struggle. But I like who I’m becoming. Moving to Vegas, something no one ever expected out of me, had a hand in that, as has moving away from my family and all my support systems. At this point, more than 3 years after moving to this neon jungle, I’m fairly certain what I want my next move to be. Being here is preparing me for the appreciation of that place that I will need to be happy. But I’m not ready to leave yet - not today.

The Man, I think, is part of that journey to reconcile my two parts into one being. The thoughts we have shared, the things we have in common, and the existential struggles we are going through make me believe that. Right now, I am hoping that he will be a part of my life for a long time. But if that is not what is to be, then he has already helped me so much, by being supportive and caring and a calming influence when I was upset about ending my tenure with my current employer. In a city where one does not have a lot of close friendships, where they are hard to come by because everyone is coming and going so often, he came along at just the right time. I hope we can continue being friends and explore those common interests, and grow ourselves personally with the support of each other.

Ok, I need to step back into the here and now. I need to get back on track and look for a new job here. I’ve got phone calls to make, resumes to email, want ads to read. And I need to stay awake because I have to work tonite, and I only got 2 hours sleep last night.

¹⁸Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. ¹⁹Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. ²⁰The beast of the field shall honor me, the dragons and the owls; because I give waters in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert, to give drink to my people, my chosen. ²¹This people I have formed for myself; they shall shew forth my praise. Isaiah 43:18-21

That is the theme passage for New Song Church. I have been worhsipping there since August 2003, a couple months after I moved to Las Vegas. The church itself is brand new; the first public worship was held on January 5, 2003. Today, 3 years, 8 months and 20 days after that very first gathering, we had another first: our first worship service in our permanent home. This is the 21st century, and a church building cannot get built without money. That money must come from the people who wish to worship there. It’s the old chicken or egg thing. So we worshipped, prayed, and gave to be able to have a place to call home, and today that became a reality. Our new building is just awesome! It is so wonderful to have a place to call home and to have a very visual presence in the community.

All sorts of celebrations were planned for this weekend. We had originally hoped to be in the building in June or July. Then August. Then the first weekend in September. You get the picture. We got our occupancy permit on Thursday, September 21. The Dedication weekend began with an entertainment extravaganza the very next day. Good thing we got in there in time, otherwise we would have been performing in the parking lot! Jason, our music minister, knows so many wonderfully talented people in town, many of whom dedicated their time and talent to help us celebrate.

I am on the audio/video crew at church. Really, I don’t do much in the way of audio or video. I do VISUAL stuff though. During the Praise Service and the Contemporary Worship service, I make and run a powerpoint slideshow so that people can look up and not worry about where in the bulletin we are. I enjoy it; I like that behind-the-scenes stuff. Our new building has a great a/v corner, my favorite part of it is that it’s in the sanctuary and not in its own room somewhere. I feel more connected to the service and my fellow congregants, and it makes my worship experience so much more meaningful.

We were blessed today with the talents of Rick Alonzo, who painted 3 wonderful paintings for us. He coordinates his creation of the art to music and turns it into a short performance, and it was so awesome to have him share his gifts with us.

I am still so high from the events of this weekend. I’m a charter member of the church, which is a rare privilege, and I, along with a lot of other people, have been looking forward to this day for a long time. Of course, with the new worship schedule, new a/v equipment to learn, and soooo many people there today, I did not get to socialize with everyone as much as I had hoped to because I was just so busy. But it was fun, and I’m so thankful that I am able to be a part of this.

I have many pictures that I took today; you can all go here to see them.

I went out today. With someone, for a change. Usually I spend my Saturdays, my only day off, running errands and doing chores, so it seems I have no time for a social life. But this person I had lunch (and dinner) with, I don’t know how it happened, really. It was an ad, one of those personal ads that you really shouldn’t answer, mixed in with all the other typical ads, and I felt compelled to reply. So out of character for me.

Since I answered his ad, we’ve been emailing back and forth - a lot. We’ve been text messaging each other - a lot. (I really have to add that to my cell phone contract to keep the costs under control.) This all started Thursday. Just 2 days ago. Today, we met for lunch. After 2 days of intense emails, text messages and IM conversations, we met for the first time.

I’m not sure what I expected. I read his blog. It reads a lot like my journals when I can’t sort shit out in my head, except of course written from a guy’s point of view. Conversation today was just so NORMAL. Nothing wrong with that. He was so easy to talk to, even though our conversations weren’t as intense as the online. It wasn’t awkward, there were none of the weird silences at all, which over 5 hours is a pretty cool thing.

We’re chatting online as I type this. We’re both multitasking, me blogging, chatting, listening to music, and doing a little web surfing on the side. I think he’s chatting, working, and surfing in addition to talking to me. Still, other distractions aside, they aren’t taking away from the conversation at all.

I want to keep getting to know him.

Ok, so I wasn’t tagged, but sometimes I have an insatiable urge to do these things. So here goes: (thanks, Gouda)

1. The last movie you saw in a theatre, and current-release movie you still want to see. Last movie in a theater: Little Miss Sunshine. Go see it, it was hysterical and sweet. I never laughed so hard. This is one that I eagerly await the DVD release of. Current movie still to see: Last Kiss. I loved Garden State, and the soundtrack, so I really want to see what Zach Braff has put together for us this time.

2. The last movie you rented/purchased for home viewing. Rented? I can’t remember, it’s been so long. Shopgirl maybe? Purchased, that would be Pushing Tin. It was in the cheapo bin at War-Mart, and I’ve never sat down and watched the whole thing. I do like to go to the airport when I have free time; there’s a parking lot on Sunset Rd that gives you a really good view of the 7/25 runways, plus you can tune your radio to listen to tower communications. Since Las Vegas is a busy airport, it’s pretty fun.

3. A movie that made you laugh out loud. Little Miss Sunshine, again. Also Tommy Boy, Office Space, Napoleon Dynamite, Benchwarmers, and other similar stupid movies.

4. A movie that made you cry. I cry a lot at movies. But let’s see, favorite movies to turn on the waterworks? Simon Birch, Beaches, The Man in the Moon - and those are just from my collection.

5. A movie that was a darling of the critics, but you didn’t think lived up to the hype. That would have to be Sideways. I turned it off halfway through. I just couldn’t get into it. Usually I like critically acclaimed movies.

6. A movie that you thought was better than the critics. Honestly, I can’t think of one right now. My head is spinning and blank at the same time with movie titles going through it, but I can’t think of any in particular that I liked that were panned.

7. Favorite animated movie. Cinderella, the original Disney version. It’s a classic.

8. Favorite Disney Villain. Favorite villain? I’m always focused on the prince!

9. Favorite movie musical. The Sound of Music. The hills are alive…

10. Favorite movies of all-time (up to five). Ok, five then. Ruby in Paradise, Muriel’s Wedding, When Harry Met Sally, A Christmas Story, and, well, I can’t think of a fifth one right now.

Now, who to tag with this one? Everyone!!!!! Ha ha ha, I am so mean!

It seems I’m getting a lot of visitors to this post via Google. That particular charge, which I put in that post excatly as it was written on my credit card bill, and like me, many people are turning to the power of Google to figure out what the heck it is. As far as I’ve been able to tell, it’s a company in Singapore that sells phone cards. I don’t know if it’s legit or not, but someone is buying $10 and $20 phone cards through that company with our credit card numbers. Like one of my commenters said, it sometimes happens that crooks will actually go through random numbers and see if they get a hit. Heck, we do that in my line of work - not with credit card numbers, but phone numbers. (I’ll explain. We’re headhunters, and when trying to recruit people we have to try and get names and to the right person through a gatekeeper, aka receptionist. This tactic isn’t very successful, especially if you don’t know a name. So what we’ll do is after hours, call the main number to a company and the phone tree. 555-1000. Then, if there’s no directory, we’ll start dialing numbers - 555-1001, 555-1002, etc. to see what the voice mail messages say. It’s suprisingly successful.) So it appears that’s what is happening here. So, if anyone gets that weird charge on their credit card bills, it’s fraudulent! Don’t take no for an answer! Make sure you get the fraud department, make sure they close your account and issue you a new card number, and make sure they send you the fraud paperwork.

I got a new card with a new number, my online stuff was transferred to the new number, and I got the paperwork, which I sent in right away. It’s a simple one page easy to understand form, and since the only other thing I was using that card for was my storage unit it was very easy to see what charges are fraudulent. Be vigilant and check your statements carefully!

Good luck to all who have this problem.

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

Thanks to Gem for this, who found it via another blog.

BTW, I am more than just a life blogger. I am a blogaholic. And I have no intention of stopping.